I need a studio

25 01 2010

At the risk of sounding like a COMPLETE hermit/anti-social, I am in desperate need of a place to work undisturbed. Maybe it is artistic immaturity, but the knowledge that at any moment someone could come into the room completely ruins my “zone”. It’s not just about not being talked to- it’s about the constant tension of anticipated interruption.

I liked my room in NC for that reason. No-one ever came in without asking first- they would never have thought of such a thing. Indeed, they rarely came in anyway.

I don’t have a space like that here. I could use my room but my room is taken over by an enormous bed. There is the little studio in the corner of dad’s office but it’s dad’s office and he won’t let me oil paint in there. (Nor would I be comfortable doing so even if he didn’t object since the whole room is carpeted and the light isn’t great.) The garage is too cold and people go in and out all the time.

It may not sound like a big deal to have undisturbed space but it’s very important. At least, it’s important if I even want to become serious about art. (And since there’s nothing else to which I am as much inclined as art and I have all kinds of time in which to be serious….)

Sigh.

The Lord has a plan, and I have an eye on a basement room at Union Hill….

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Life After

16 01 2010

Life is full of afters. In fact, every moment you live is a moment after something.

The good news is that same moment is simultaneously a moment “before”.

The best news is that each moment exists. You can live in it, breathe in it, make choices. Laugh, cry or rage as you must. I choose to laugh more often than I rage (but only slightly more than I cry) because that is who I am. Let me tell you, it’s a darned good way to live.

I’m not always the best at behaving as I should. Sometimes I’m snarky and sometimes I am so mad that I can’t see straight and often I am wounded by things that shouldn’t really bother me. This is my weakness. But we of the Union Hill persuasion decided tonight that crap is alright as long as you own it. So I’m owning it! I’m not a saint and I’m not an angel and people are exhausting.

“So bring your crap. We compost!”

Also “Qaplah!” Read the rest of this entry »





A Love Letter to NC

9 01 2010

As most of you probably know I have decided not to move back to NC. I have to tell you, it was a wretched learning process just making the decision. A people-pleasing nature combined with a lack of trust in my own decisions with a little “what exactly IS my dream” make for rough going. (But you wouldn’t believe how stretching it is!)

What it came down to is that the reasons I had for going back were reasons birthed from fear. Fear of letting down my NC family and fear that if I made the wrong decision God was going to punish me. It sounds ugly written out and it was ugly in my heart. Not to mention that both are LIES. Firstly because my NC family loves ME and that love is not dependent on whether or not I spend the rest of my life in the same town as them. Secondly because God is good and He is pleased with me and we are going to run together forever! God is good ALL THE TIME and if anything matters then everything matters! Read the rest of this entry »