NC Day 14.

14 10 2009

I’m sitting at the Starbucks at Barnes and Noble with my computer and some hot chocolate. Jason Mraz is telling me that “this is what happiness is/ the wait was so worth it”. I choose to believe him; either because of his liquid-smooth singing voice or his utter sincerity. Or maybe I just know that happiness is the moments when we realize it. My hot chocolate is sweet, my table is near a window where I can watch the wind blow and know that it can’t get to me. I’m alone for the first time in fourteen days and I am soaking in the fullness of the moment.

Hence my poetical rambling. 

Tess told me today at lunch that here the life courses through her veins. She found an apt description for this place where I have landed. Life doesn’t just lap around your ankles here. There are countless moments of hilarity, joy, irritation, eye-rolling and adventure. I smell flowers and have a running tally for all the yellow butterflies that fly by. Two days ago I jog/walked around a golf course (NOT on the greens) and enjoyed the rain on my hands. (The rain also fell on my head and ran down my collar which was less enjoyable).

It’s not always easy to live where I live and sometimes I’m so tired that my eyes fight me during prayer. I want them to stay open and hold sleep at bay and they mutiny, wanting to raise the flag of snoozes. That happened this morning. The contemplative lifestyle is more effective when one is well-rested. 

I have a place here. I do school with Amber every morning. (Thanks Dad for the “don’t smile! don’t smile! don’t smile about math!!” trick. It’s saved my butt on the mornings when Amber “just doesn’t want to do school today”. Sometimes I help one of the twins with something and I clean the kitchen a couple of times per day. If a load of laundry happens across my notice I gladly fold any and everyone’s towels, shirts and little frilly skirts. 

I miss having a closet and furniture of my own. I fantasize about copper pans and a little twin bed made of dark-stained wood. My one major purchase in Wilmington (other than food) was an oak studio easel. It is not overstatement to say that my easel is epic. When fully extended to hold a 64″ canvas it stands something like nine feet high. The best part? I put the whole thing together MYSELF. Michael screwed in exactly two screws because the holes were not lined up correctly and I lacked the necessary upper body strength. Thanks Michael! I may not have a “place to lay my head” but I have a place to paint! 

The only other daily struggle is my lack of transportation. I don’t really mind it that much until it hits seven o’clock and I’m alone in the house in desperate need of a certain color of paint. Then I realize that I have no way to get to the art store and I get frustrated. 


I really can’t bring myself to care a whole lot about anything that’s a bummer when I remember that I live with the Carrs. I get to experience the ocean through the eyes of a two year old girl. I get to do skip counting and explain long division. I get to clean kitchens and thereby bless the people who have to clean up after everyone. Sometimes I sit on my future roommate’s floor and eat ice cream and talk about men. Sometimes my evenings end with hours-long conversations with Jadon who makes me laugh so hard I cry. I love my home in Seattle. I love my parents with their wisdom and their senses of humor. I love cooking with my Mom and getting Dad hugs. But the life I have here in Wilmington is something that my heart has longed for these several years. I have friends my own age and a group of people to whom I am a blessing. 

On another note- my website is coming along nicely. It helps to be in the same house as your designer. Once we decide on a price (which determines the time involved) I should have a better idea of when it will be up for sure. It’s really beautiful thus far and mcarr is doing really quality work. 

I’ve been painting every day and I have two going right now. The first is an eschatological frenzy. I know exactly where it is coming from and let me tell ya, it ain’t me! The second is called “I Met Life on the Journey” or “A Place for Angels to Land” and is an abstract self-portrait of sorts. 

(This is the point at which the blog will truly cease to hang together… I’m just going to write down all the things that I can think of and you will all have to bear with me.)

My feet are always dirty at night. The last thing I do before going to bed is wash my feet. Then I walk on tiptoe from the bathroom to my bed in order to keep at least my heels fresh!

I’ve discovered that if I go to bed after everyone else I am able to do a little dance all by myself without fear of anyone wandering through the living room. 

Dreams are creeping to the back burner in the face of the glorious NOW. 

I could sit at wi-fi capable coffee houses forever. 

Sometime you all should check out grooveshark. It has every song ever and you can play them for free! (No illegal downloads, I promise Dad). 

Happy Birthday to Stacie Lynn Van de Weghe! What a blessing you are to me! May all your love be returned to you ten thousand-fold on this the day of your birth.

It’s cold outside today, though yesterday was sunny and pleasant. 

Ok. Time to do something else pro-active while I have this wonderful internet access. My love to the Harris family, the Mansours (who don’t read this blog), the Lewis’, and anyone at Village that happens across this. Love you Jen and Aaron. Kiss the Squeaker for me. 

So long and thanks for all the fish.

P.S. Jadon is going hunting on Saturday. Pray for a good haul!




3 responses

14 10 2009

I love shout outs… and I love knowing you’re happy… its makes my heart glad.

14 10 2009
Father Smith

What a beautiful song you are dear daughter. I can just picture you sitting in that coffee shop drinking hot chocolate and smiling. Love you!

16 10 2009
Lynny Mommy

Oh but I do read! You are amazingly adept at painting pictures with words, so when you run out paint……Love you muchly, and miss you too!

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