If you neglected to meet Fredward yesterday then you missed your chance entirely. Tonight after I got home from my 13-hour day, I took Fredward’s candle outside where I removed Fredward from it with a small stick.
Good luck with your new life in my bay tree, Fredward. It was nice sharing my bathroom with you for the past eight days. You didn’t use my towels or my favorie shampoo, you never kicked me out or left your underpants underfoot. I appreciate your stoic silences, the way you were always there no matter what and how good your home smelled.
In the interest of your continued existence I had to let you go. It was hard. I will miss you. In the end, though, it’s really all for the best. Go! Be free! You were the best non-pet spider I could have asked for!
Walking in the Rain 
I’m feeling some passive agressiveness regarding the shampoo, the underpants, and the evicting.
Hmph.
Good luck Fredward!
I have to say, I read this blog post before reading the previous and I was a bit taken aback… With no idea as to what you were talking about. It makes perfect sense now and I appreciate you’re kindness toward Fredward, even if it was short lived.
Ha ha! One can only imagine who you assumed “Fredward” was….
I should have finished the story… The morning after I released Fredward I woke up with my hips and legs COVERED in spider bites. I’m pretty sure he rallied the troops and they came to kill me. I survived only because I am far too large to be sucked dry by just spiders. (Take that “Arachniphobia!)
My counter attack was to wash out all my bedding and deep clean my room.
it’s too late…. You need to update.,
It’s too late for anything but an update……