I’ve Accepted the Inevitable

5 03 2009

Today I reread Captivating, a book by the Eldridges about women and who they were meant to be in the Kingdom. I’m a fast reader but I have to be really into something before I will read it cover to cover in one day. It was a good day to be reminded of who I am, who my Bridegroom is, and the wonderful blessing of where I am in life right now.

I am Arwen. I am Eowyn. I am the Shulamite. I am Eleanor in Sense and Sensibility. I am Cinderella. Beautiful and dangerous. Holy and fierce. And all those things are ok. It’s how it should be.

Being just exactly who I was made to be gives others around me permission to step into their own fullness. I don’t have to hold back until others “catch up”. It’s not my job to drag you along with me, it’s my job to run as hard as I can so that you are inspired to do the same. Beauty is not meant to be threatening. Beauty is an invitation. I want to be that invitation for as many people as possible.

It’s been a day of realization- which is what happens when you have an entire evening with the Lord. Ready for some of my revelations of today?

A life full of love and beauty is not less valid than a life of struggle. I was not abused, I never went through a major season of sin and rebellion etc. In fact, most things in life have been very easy for me. I’m pretty and beloved and I have quite a few talents and the people around me love and support me. It’s not bragging. It’s the truth. But that does not make my life less worthy, nor does it disqualify me from being able to share wisdom with other women. My life has been exactly what it needed to be to turn me into exactly the person I needed to be. It may sound simple but it was HUGE.

Also, as much as I enjoy having a paycheck, I don’t think that I was meant to work for a living. At least, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t meant to have multiple jobs at one time. The past few weeks have been pretty intense and it’s been a serious drag on my spirit. Tonight I had a vision of an apartment with huge floor to ceiling windows along on wall. The shelves were teak and there was comfortable furniture, lots of house plants and one of those little fountains. The kitchen/living room was a airy, open space and I was just sitting in a chair with a cup of tea talking with a young woman. It was a picture of a restful, quiet kind of ministry that is utterly different than my hectic love-em-on-the-go lifestyle. Granted, this vision had definite overtones of “married” and “settled”- the idea that my husband was at work and I was spending the morning ministering to my community on a one-on-one basis.

It made me cry.

I really enjoy working in the sense that I like the security of a paycheck. However, much more do I enjoy quiet times with the Lord and hanging out with people. As a woman is it not ok that my dream is quietness and rest? I want to go and have adventures and minister to the poor and travel and help at conferences and all of that, but I want it to be based in a peaceful life invested in the people I love.

So there ya go. Have I mentioned that I really like the floor to ceiling windows and southern exposure of my dream apartment?

Also, I like beautiful things and that’s ok.

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7 responses

5 03 2009
Father Smith

You are beautiful!

6 03 2009
Jenny Harris

I love this… thank you for sharing.

6 03 2009
Jennifer James

Wow….
all of this is SO okay!!
I’ll come over sometime and share a cup of tea with you….
maybe even minister with you.
( This is Mom by the way.) 🙂

7 03 2009
Meghan

Mommy! You are more than welcome! We’ve had prophetic words about our ministry together. Who says it can’t be with tea in my really lovely apartment?

7 03 2009
granny the great

Meghan you are awesome

8 03 2009
Shelley

I can’t wait to visit you when this vision is realized in your life. It will be such a moment… 🙂

11 03 2009
Meghan

Granny and Shelley! I love you both so much! (So much supportiveness… what a blessed girl I am.)

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