Technobabble and Sandwiches

5 08 2008

Task of the Day- Getting a Job

Today we will discuss the exact formula for obtaining employment and then actually doing the job.

Step 1- Sit on your couch late at night watching something on the travel channel. Update your facebook account and write a somewhat whiny note to a religious leader about your dream job that you’ve never actually done. Have your cell phone nearby.

Step 2- When your cell phone rings, pick it up. The person on the other end of the line will have information for you regarding a job at Microsoft. Thanks to physical therapy and divine intervention, you are needed. Their media department needs a production assistant for a series of videos. They want you.

Step 3- Give your information to the head of their media department. He will send you a schedule and information about the job. The information will be fictitious. You will be doing nothing that they mentioned.

Step 4- Show up at Microsoft. Preferably not ten minutes late. Traffic is no excuse. You’ll be at the North end of campus. Do not become overawed by the velvet sweat shop. The trees are lovely but independance is better.

Step 5- Spend seven hours following three men around while they interview people about the SQL Server 2008. You won’t understand the technobabble so you’ll have to extrapolate a lot of those notes. At some point you will be given a sandwich and shown the giant fridges full of free beverages. Grape juice makes everything more interesting. 

Step 5.5- Do not panic when you are expected to use Vista to put the notes in their separate and appropriate folders. You’ll get the hang of it eventually, though you’ll probably waste a lot of time doing things the long way because Vista sucks.

Step 6- Did we mention that all of these interviews will be conducted in both English and another language? (Portuagese, Korean, Russian, French, Mandarin, Cantanese, Spanish, etc. Ten languages in all.)

Step 7- After 7 hours you will find yourself understanding the technobabble and wishing to buy pencil protectors and books on code. Resist these temptations. Understand that the stereotypes are all correct, but only to a point. Even the most techobabbly one is still a person and probably has a life outside these walls. Plus their bilingual which is ALWAYS cool.

Step 8- Go home. You’ve earned your pay.

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6 responses

6 08 2008
Jennifer James

So, um, did you get a new job or is this all fictional?

6 08 2008
Meghan

It was a one-day gig at Microsoft. I was the production assistant for their “product evangalism team” as they interviewed people about the newest Server product.

Whoopee!

6 08 2008
Jennifer James

They call it project evangelism?! That’s so weird! How much did you make? Good moneys?

6 08 2008
Meghan

About 22 dollars per hour. It was 150/day and I told them I’d love to come back!

7 08 2008
Jennifer James

Yikes! For real! How did you get hooked up with that anyway? Carol Ogden?

I am jealous of your mad money skillz.

7 08 2008
Meghan

Nawh. It was one of the women that I work with at Village. Her son was going to PA but couldn’t do it on Tuesday b/c he had physical therapy.

One of those “Only God could have figured that out” things.

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