“Public Speaking” or “Why I Miss Home”

10 12 2007

Title doesn’t make sense to you? It’s ok. I didn’t figure that it would because it doesn’t make much sense to me either.

But then, neither does life.

A long time ago I wrote a post about how I felt like Tinkerbell from Peter Pan who was so small that “she only had room for one feeling at a time”. I am so living there again. I waffle back and forth between sheer jumping up and down excitement about going home and overwhelming sadness about leaving this home.

NZ is a new home for me. I felt it when flying into Auckland airport made me cry and I feel it now with every gust of wind and every seagull’s screech. I love the people, the houses that are all different, the birds that sound like they’re singing pop songs, the cemetaries in the middle of neighborhoods, the complete lack of proper milkshakes, the sun during Christmas, having a volcano in the middle of town, driving on the left, even the lack of central heating is somehow endearing here at the end.

“I am glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things.”

But endings are also beginnings, and Jesus is not confined to this most glorious country. I have traveled to the ends of the world (literally) and found, not strangers but family, not hostile country but home, not death but life. Once you have left all that you know and survived, there is little that is frightening.

On a different note- I am not afraid of public speaking any more. Seriously. You want proof that God exists there it is. Being up in front of people used to petrify me and prevent me from eating for weeks at a time. Now I am so full of freedom and excitement and joy nothing can reach inside me and eat away at my life like fear of public speaking used to be able to.

God gave me a crown for a baptism gift, and when you know you are royalty, protected by THE King, nothing is daunting.

I had dinner at the Haye’s tonight and got to talk to Murrey Haye (if I spelled that wrong I’m sorry) who is a really Poppa in the faith. As we were getting up to leave the table he looks at me and goes “You really seem like a tower of strength. You are stacked full of gifts; there’s steel inside you.” At this point I’m staring up at him and he goes on, “You go for it, girl! Go for it!” He turns to talk to an invisible audience, “Watch out world. This one’s going to have a life that’ll blow you away!” And, standing on opposite sides of the table, we both kind of raised our fists in the air and laughed.

He was right, you know.

How do people get by without poppas and friends in Christ to speak life over them? It is unfathomable to me. I am so grateful for the Haye family. Chris and Alana played piano after dinner while I sketched Mary Joy and Emmanuel was off doin’ something. Just before we left (after eating a fabulous dinner prepared entirely by Chris) Chris played a song that he composed. It was flat out drop down PERFECT for some kind of movie soundtrack.

I think he and I will be friends for a long time.

Also, I’d like to give a public thanks to Alissa for my wonderful Christmas presents. I have adorable pink shoes and the greatest painting I’ve ever seen from her. Thanks, friend!




5 responses

10 12 2007
Father Smith


I love you!


10 12 2007
Jennifer James

Ack everything makes me cry lately. I blame the hormonees. Anyway, you look so different! I had to do a double take. The dark hair threw me off, even though I knew it was dark…sigh, You need to come visit and we will go to Half Price books.
I can’t wait to hug you! I miss you so much! You and mom are coming out for a weekend in January. I can’t wait!

10 12 2007
Mother Smith

Dearest Daughter……
How very wonderful!!!!
I love you

11 12 2007
Donna James

A flower blooming——-the James love you!!

11 12 2007

And I love the James! (Also the Smiths.) Thank you loyal readership.

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