“God’s Trainers” or “The Little Beasts that Couldn’t Quite”

1 12 2007

It started like a normal day.

My alarm went off at 5.55, as it always does. I picked 5.55 because I need a LOT of grace to get up early, and this way I wake up every morning to ‘grace grace grace’. I usually open one eye long enough to note the grace, then hit the snooze and go back to sleep for five minutes.

Today was no different.

After I hauled it out of bed, got dressed in my running clothes and tucked my hair into my hood, I was ready to go. This morning Alissa was sitting in our driveway and Graham was knocking around downstairs. This is not normal. Usually I’m the only one up, especially on Saturdays.

I said a grudging hello. I still hate talking in the morning and am interceding fiercely for the spirit of pleasant-waking-up-ness.

The sun rises half an hour before I get up now, so the joy of running in the gathering light is somewhat diminished. I do my best though.

This morning I only made it past the graveyard before a technical failure forced me to stop. My shoelace had come untied. Now, that is just the wrong time of a run to have to stop. Your body is just getting into rhythm and stopping is death to the entire morning of exercise. It turned into a run/walk.

Essentially, I have two running routes. One involves intervals up and down one particular winding hill. (Ie, run up then walk down). The other is a large loop (or series of large loops) around the two city blocks between Fraser St. and Grace St. Today I was doing the large loop and, as I rounded the final bend, I broke into a half-hearted jog.

Then, it happened.

A seagull, sitting on an overhead lamp post screeched at me. Now, this was not a normal seagull cry, this was a vaguely demonized-sounding screech. I was grumpy because my run had gotten messed up and I had had to talk before I darn well wanted to, so I screeched back.

Bad choice.

From somewhere this seagull recruits a buddy and starts full-on dive bombing me. I’m not even kidding. They’re aiming for my head with murder in their eyes.

Suddenly, my morning had surpassed unusual and shot right into the realm of “is this actually happening to me?!”.

So I did what any sensible, slightly groggy and very sore person would do, I ran faster. 

And faster.

And faster.

And those stupid birds kept diving for my head. Luckily they missed every time.

Finally I got under a large tree, figuring that the little pea-brains wouldn’t make it through the branches. I was right, but they sure tried. After I threw some rocks and waited for a bit, they stopped screeching and went away.

So today I am thankful for two things- birds that attack you and make you sprint the last 50 or 60 meters of your run, and birds with bad aim.

But seriously… What the heck WAS that?! 




4 responses

1 12 2007
Jennifer James

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA! you got dive bombed by water fowl! How delightfully ridiculous.

I chased a flock of seagulls on the beach when we were on our honeymoon. I stopped when they started to chase back.

1 12 2007
Father Smith


The movie “The Birds” in real life:)


1 12 2007
Jennifer James

Yeah, and I bet she would have done a great movie star scream.

1 12 2007

I wish I’d thought of that. Unfortunately I just ran really hard and chucked rocks. Jo says that they attacked me because I was running near their nest. I object to this theory on the grounds that I was running down the middle of a street. If they are stupid enough to next on 16th Ave it’s not MY fault!

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