Love- Thoughts Remembered

27 10 2007

Note- this is something of a cheat. It’s a ‘note’ I wrote on facebook a while back. I found it today and decided to repost it here. I like the subject and I like this particular train of thoughts. Perhaps you will too.

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken…The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” -C.S. Lewis [italics added]

I must admit to having some difficulties with how love has come to be defined in our culture. We seem to believe that love, especially romantic love, is something felt; that the warm fuzzies we associate with romance are the ultimate goal. I would submit that, if that were true, no man would ever fight for the woman he loves and no woman would be worth the fight.

I get the same warm fuzzies from watching a great old movie that I do from being told that I am pretty. If I were to enter into a friendship or, heaven forbid, a romantic relationship for the sole purpose of “feeling good” I would be the most base and selfish of creatures. (That is not to say that all compliments are shallow or that, if they make you feel good, you are selfish. Compliments are wonderful as long as they aren’t the “why” to your life.)

Love is not defined by what we gain but by what we would sacrifice for the object of our love. Love is not “warm feelings” but the daily and hourly CHOICE to prefer another person. It is the servant-hearted love, not infatuation or attraction that is the closest to real love we humans can know. Attraction is a feeling and infatuation is selfish.

On a similar note, have you noticed the vicious bitterness that almost always accompanies a break up? Where does this come from?! Why do we so quickly forget the loveable characteristics of our lovers and remember only the manifold ways in which they hurt us? If we had really loved that person, in the truest sense of the word, we would not let bitterness and sorrow overcome it. Love does not end when lovers say goodbye- relationships end but that choice to prefer the other person should not.

But really, my biggest issue is the sense that whatever time you had with that person was wasted. Even if the breakup is bitter and angry, there were good times and you probably learned something. Why can we not take the hard times as lessons and treasure and grow from them?

So I have promised myself to hold on to the fact that love is never wasted. Never. Not ever.

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One response

27 10 2007
Father Smith

So very true! And thanks for the post. Love you

Dad

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