Losing Childhood

24 09 2007

The following is an excerpt from my journal, written as I sat in the prayer room this morning.

“We have sinned and grown old. Our God is younger than any of us.”

It is somehow unspeakably sad that our fate as human beings is to grow old. It is not a wailing or gnashing of teeth kind of sadness. There is nothing so overt or outspoken about it. This sadness is a bleak and dusky thing, like the tears of a mourner at an October funeral. Most passersby, most people, will not notice it and fewer take the time to really think on the subject.

But we do grow old.

As we pass from childhood into young adulthood the process has already begun. We are no longer sheltered from the storms and winds that beat upon us all. We cannot now grow straight and strong, ignorant and at peace. Now we begin to feel the rushing winds, to realize that we are susceptible to rot. We feel each storm, see every lightning bolt, and our shapes grow twisted and battered in an effort to brace ourselves. We stretch towards light, but are often beaten down by rains. If, as children, we pushed our roots down deep, we will live to find the light again.

For them who were not sheltered and loved as children, the storms are fatal. They may look like they’ve survived but there is no life inside them. They’ve lost their childhood innocence and so lost their future.

Personally it is not the loss of my childhood that I mourn. To grow older is our lot as humans. What I miss is the sense of wonder and the complete fearlessness of being a child.

Mud puddles are no longer poetic; pine cones hold no fascination for me now. Stories are less meaningful and ‘let’s pretend’ no longer convinces me. And somehow, deep in my heart I feel an aching. It is a yearning to be free like a child, to love unconditionally, to trust implicitly and to see the glory in a blade of grass.

See, I think when Jesus said “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God” He was talking about more than just innocence. I think those little kids, their hearts not yet twisted by sin and suffering, could behold the Son of God with a pure wonder which the adults had forgotten. It’s not about being innocent (because who among us is?) before the throne of God, it’s about remembering to wonder at His glory.

If I could remember that wonder, I think I might just be able to step back into childhood and to trust again.




5 responses

24 09 2007
Father Smith


After reading this post I had a few random thoughts, verses and quotes:

Whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:16-18)

“Of all the things that are required of us in this life, which is the most important? What is the real point of our existence? Jesus was confronted with the question point blank one day, and he boiled it all down to two things: Loving God and loving others. Do this he said, and you will find the purpose of your life. Everything else will fall into place.”

Remember the heart is central. Not the mind, not the will. The heart. The heart is the deep center of our life. The innermost part of the human personality. The heart is who we are. The term HEART is best understood by saying ME. Christ did not die for an idea. He died for a person and that person is you. Christ came to give us back our hearts and set us free.

Jesus steps into the scene. He reaches back to a four hundred year old prophecy to tell us why he’s come. He quotes from Isa61:1:

The Spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners.

The meaning of this quotation has been clouded by years of religous language and ceremonial draping. What is he saying? It has something to do with good news, with healing hearts, with setting someone free. That much is clear from the text. Permit me a translation in plain language:

God has sent me on a mission
I have some great news for you.
God has sent me to restore and release something.
And that something is you.
I am here to give you back your heart and set you free.

Thats you Meg! Jesus has done this for you and He wants you to set the captives free! Don’t forget…we are living in a much bigger story than we ever imagined! FOR REAL! How exciting!

Some thoughts a verbage stolen from John Eldridge (thanks John)

Love Dad

24 09 2007
Jennifer James

DAd- good comments. I was trying to think of the right thing to say, and I think you hit the nail on the head.

Megs- What can a sister say? I love you. I am encouraged for this work being done on your heart. Blessings!

24 09 2007

Wow guys. That’s intense (thanks Dad).

I’m surprised at the reaction, honestly. I was just waxing poetic. It wasn’t neccesarily written in the first person. At least, it was, but the first person wasn’t me. Ha ha.

Much lovings

25 09 2007
Mother Smith

Well written Meg, as I’ve said before….you paint pictures with your words.
Dad’s comments are right on!!
So excited to see what the Lord is doing in your lfe. Love you bunches, Mum

18 10 2007
dalton Lifsey

Epic. Loved the post. You need to write.

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