“Curiouser and Curiouser”

7 08 2007

 “Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to cry again. `You ought to be ashamed of yourself,‘ said Alice, `a great girl like you,’ (she might well say this), `to go on crying in this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!’ But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the hall.”

From “Alice in Wonderland”, Chapter 2

I cry a lot lately, and am concerned that I could end up swimming in a pool of my own tears with a dodo bird and a rat. This is truly a matter of concern in my existence right now. It’s not racking sobs and there is no wailing nor beating of my breast. I’m not sprinkling ashes on my head and rending my clothing either. It’s what mom and I refer to as the “Elijah Wood tear” type of crying. [See Lord of the Rings for several examples of the aforementioned phenomenom]I do, however have several hypothesis as to WHY I cry so much and so easily lately.1st- I’ve never been very good at processing stress. Usually I don’t even notice that I am stressed until two weeks later when I begin to have horrible stomach aches. During the infamous run of “Children of a Lesser God” I lost ten pounds because my stomach hurt too bad to eat. I didn’t figure out why until much later. So, with my impending departure and Kelsey’s wedding I’m slightly stressed. Instead of internalizing it I am crying at every oppurtunity as a way of working through the emotions. 2nd- I am at a beginning. Like Alice, I’ve seen the garden through the door. I can’t get into it just now; I’m too big and I don’t know where the key is. Now I know that it’s there, though, and that sometimes life really can be all we envision it to be. We don’t have to settle and we CAN live our dreams. Side note— Keisha Castle-Hughes was sitting in her classroom one day when the casting director of Whale Rider came up to talk to her. She ended up getting the lead role in the movie, at age 11. Later, she remarked that they’d done a career day at school and she’d said that she wanted to be an actor. She gave up on that dream because she didn’t see how it was possible. But it was, and she did become an actor. She says at the end of one of the behind-the-scenes features that “even if nothing else happens to me the rest of my life I will be satisfied because I fulfilled my dream”.—3. I like to cry. It’s a great way of relieving feelings. When you are dealing with lots of stuff at once (and it’s really much more than just me moving 1/3 way around the world) crying may be the only way to go.  My guess is that it’s a mixture of all three. I try not to do it too much when other folks are around because it really freaks them out. An unfortunate side-effect of me processing is that it makes others upset. Some things, though, cannot be helped. Hope you all are having a tear-free day. (Though if you are stressed I highly recomend it!)




One response

7 08 2007
Jennifer James

I cried last night watching a science fiction show. I was just so happy that this one character got back home!
Aaron laughed at me, then gave me a pillow to hold.

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