Disquieted

You can always tell you are on the edge of a precipice because the wind starts moving and the echoes are different and you are strangely disquieted for no real reason.

Yeah. It’s like that.

Top Search

The Top Search on my blog right now is “mountain goats”, the second “top-est” is “Timothy Carr”.

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Life is about choices

I was sitting with a dear and very wise friend not too many weeks ago. We were talking at the time about relationships, but what she said I have since been able to apply to many areas of my life. 

“Sometimes God tells you exactly what to do, but sometimes He takes you to the ice cream shop. There are dozens of flavors but it’s all ice cream. He stands back and lets you pick! Just pick a flavor!”

I laughed really hard but its true. Life is about choices- sometimes we just choose to say “yes” to whatever God is saying. Sometimes (like any good dad) He wants you to choose what you want. So what do you want? Dream big! Come boldly! Ask! 

I read a quote somewhere to the effect of “Love God and do what you want”. There should be more of that in our lives, I think.

Bread Baking

Today I made “Pain de Mariage” which LOOKS like it should mean “Marriage is a Pain” but ACTUALLY means “Wedding Bread”. I made it mostly so I would have something which required a french accent. Some days you just need a french accent…

No, Nick Loux, I am not getting married. At least, I am some day but not today. I hope not anyway since I haven’t been asked out since I was nineteen or twenty and even then it was a really short sixteen year old with delusions of grandeur. So marriage is a no for now.

But I digress.

I like making bread because it creates this little bubble of quiet in my day. You mix the dough, you knead the dough (itself a cathartic experience), then you wait for it to rise. After which you punch it (my favorite part) and it bakes. It’s an uncomplicated process that rewards you with good smells and delicious foods.

But what it REALLY does is force you to stay “stuck” in the kitchen. Someone need you to mow the lawn? “Sorry I can’t, I’m making bread!” Does the bathroom need to be cleaned. “Sorry I can’t. I’m making bread.” Bread making is almost sacred. The uninitiated admire your domestic skills and are hesitant to disrupt you, the initiated smile understandingly and leave you alone.

Really, it’s the perfect hobby for the solitude-inclined.

Grilled Halibut with Lemon Recipe

(the title is so that I can see how many people visit my website while googling “grilled Halibut and Lemon”)

Sorry unwary visitor. 

I’ve been thinking about movie stars lately. I was wondering why so many people orient their whole lives towards achieving fame and fortune. I understand the mistaken idea that rich people have more fun and better lives than “normal people”. “Money is the solution to everything” is the philosophy that seems to ooze out of the very pores of the American public. (I will not speak for other nations… we’ve got enough goobers in this country!) And any kid who was teased in high school can explain in three easy sentences why being famous has it’s appeal. “Famous people have achieved something. Everyone is jealous of them. They are cool.” 

When really… it’s a kind of slavery. Many layers of slavery, actually.

Say that you get that one in a million shot to play a lead in a major motion movie. Immediately you are responsible for a project in which a lot of chubby, angry rich men have invested lots of dough. So you do the movie without developing a stress-related ulcer (well done, by the way!). It’s released to critical acclaim, which you have a horrible suspicion is due more to your co-star Hugh Jackman’s pectoral muscles than any skill on your part. Now you have lots of money and most of the citizens of America know who you are. Cue tabloid rumors. Now, according to popular opinion, you are a raving maniac, or bulimic, or ugly or fat (Size 6 is NOT fat!). Not only which but you cannot go out in public without complete strangers wanting to talk to you, touch you, steal stuff from you etc. You are fairly miserable and want to go live in a hut somewhere in southern Portugal but your agent and personal assistant are breathing down your neck about your next big project. (“No Christian Bale isn’t a raving maniac, we promise! You’ll LOVE working with him!)

So you sign on for a new project and it all starts over again. Only this time you have a myriad of appointments with dermatologists, plastic surgeons and personal stylists. After all, if anyone figured out how saggy/lumpy/pale you are, or how you love to wear nothing but sweat pants and white tank tops, your career would be over and you would be back to being nobody.

And that’s it. It’s the fear of returning anonymity and the total lack of any personal identity separate from a career that keep these people here. Not to mention a love affair with self-indulgence and several dozen other personality-based issues that I could mention.

After thinking this through multiple times from all different approaches, the only thing I’m left with is “Why the cheese nuggets would anyone search that lifestyle out?!” It sounds a whole lot like hell to me. No matter how you gold-plate it it’s a pretty sucky way to live out the only life you’ve got.

Besides, I REALLY like my sweats and white tank tops.

For Susan

(For those of you who don’t know, Susan is the wonderful woman who, together with her husband, opened her home to us girls in Fredericksburg.)

Susan! I think of you daily and pray for you also. I’ve misplaced the contact info you gave me. For this I am most heartily sorry. But I haven’t forgotten about your painting and I am praying over it still. When it is done I shall send it to you post-haste.

Be blessed and thank you again for who you are! Please send me an e-mail or leave a comment so that I have your e-mail. Love, Meghan

Oh My! It’s Thai!

I know I promised you all a short story, and I really did want to write one. In fact, the request for inspiration that I sent out came back in spades. 

I am now writing a children’s book. Illustrations and all. I would tell you all about it but I’m afraid that some kind of internet-surfing-inspiration-parasite will steal my idea and get it published first. And I’m headed to the other side of the country with a very limited amount of money in my pocket and anything that might help support me is to be protected.

Hodge-Podge

I was tutoring math today and I realized that I could no longer remember what exactly a “quark” is- the thought cause me some serious distress. (Quarks are elementary particles that combine to form hadrons like protons and neutrons.) I think this means that I should go back to school in the fall or winter. If I stay back any longer I will never finish and it would be silly NOT to finish. Besides, I miss the challenge and hoop-jumping involved in higher education.

I still love my new computer. I’m wondering if I could get it engraved with some kind of cool design… I mean, it’s made of aluminum for Pete’s sake! 

I had a vision the other day of standing on a mountain top in a dress straight out of 1908. I then watched “Miss Potter” and had an almost out of body experience. The clothes are straight out of the picture the Lord gave me AND her engagement ring was a sapphire surrounded by diamonds. Of course, her parents were awful and her fiancee died before they ever got married… but she was also an immensely imaginative person and incredibly successful author. I have no idea if the things are even connected but I like to think that there is meaning in there somewhere.

When I miss my best friend I eat chicken pot pie. Not a constructive way to work through feelings, but a delicious way to do so!

My new keyboard was really easy to get used to.

I want a summer dress made of chiffon, and am currently deciding if the punishment of sewing with seven layers of chiffon would be worth the reward of a twirly skirt. 

The person who suggests the best idea for a story will get a fully developed and utterly wonderful story. I want to write something but need help with inspiration. (That means you! Better suggest something!!)

Marriage is not a business arrangement. 

I sleep for a couple of hours almost every afternoon. I wish I could feel bad for doing this, but its a really wonderful schedule for the night-owl in me. 

I now know how the little mermaid felt. It’s been raining for days and it really does feel like I am living underwater. My bedroom window is angled (and sheltered by trees) such that the water literally pours down the glass. It doesn’t bead up like you would expect to see. The effect is as if someone decided to put a water feature just on the other side of the glass. It could explain why I sleep so much- what else is a human supposed to do underwater? 

I’m going to see a high school production of “High School Musical” tomorrow. Well, first I’m picking up my bridesmaid’s dress, then I will be going to the play. An almost-sister of mine has the lead and this school puts on high quality shows so it’ll be good.

Happy birthday Granny the Great! Thanks for loving us all so well!!

I want to travel. Badly. The more I travel the more I want to travel. It’s a sickness. Hawaii anyone?

That’s enough. My hands are tired of typing. Loves!

It’s a bright new world…

Remember a couple of posts ago how I mentioned my desire to be reborn into the world of mac? 

Meet Stella… She’s sleek and bright, has that new computer smell and is made of a single piece of aluminum. That’s right, I’ve got the new macbook! 

We aren’t best friends yet- I still don’t know how to do most of the many things that this computer can do, but I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn. There is no doubt in my mind that we shall soon be inseparable.  

I don’t have very long to write an update, but I had to celebrate with you all! I HAVE A MAC!

More coming soon…

First Week

I’ve been home one week.

It’s been weird.

I no longer have a computer so updates are going to be few and far between until God gets me a new computer.

I need stationary.